What Kind Of Sex Is Allowed In A Christian Marriage?

Name: Robin
Question: What things does God allow for us married people to do sexually?

I ask this here, for it to be possibly public, because I am not sure if other people have the same worries.

My husband has…desires.

Ones that make me uncomfortable and I am not even sure how God would feel about them. It was to the point where I caught him watching porn (which I consider cheating), that I had a feeling that he was watching and he denied for months.

His desire to have sex is a lot greater than mine and I can’t keep up.

I feel as if there is something wrong with me and if I don’t do what he wants, that eventually he will cheat on me again via porn or in person, though he says he won’t, but I have been burned by those words before.

He says that we don’t have to do those things he saw in the very numerous amount of porn he was watching and that he really doesn’t want to because he knows I don’t like the idea, but he still brings it up.

I don’t know what is allowed or if the problem IS in fact me.

I do my wifely duties and make sure I satisfy him most days of the week, never ever going more than two days without.

It is a great, great, great source of stress for me daily and sometimes I resent him for it.

I feel like what he wants to do is wrong, but I could be wrong too, not knowing all the things He allows.

I’m sure it’s just me, always not being good enough.

Always disappointing.

Makes me cry a lot.

I feel very ashamed even talking about this.

I’m sorry and thank you.

Answer: Robin, thank you very much for the question.

You have nothing to be ashamed about or sorry for.

First, if you have not done so already, take this to God in prayer. Ask Him about it. Ask God to help you deal with this problem and correct it. He can help you more than anyone else.

Second, a Christian marriage should include; good, fun, and clean sex. There is nothing wrong with that. Some Christians may shudder at the word “sex.” Perhaps they think it is a taboo topic, and that it should be put away from our view, but that’s not true at all.

Sex In Marriage

Let’s all be real with one another here.

Sex is a part of life.

This may come as a surprise to some, but that is how we all arrived on earth.

So never let someone tell you sex is wrong or you cannot have fun and enjoy it. You can and should. God created sex not only to bring children into the world, but to bring husband and wife closer together. To create an intimate bond that should be honored in marriage.

Now, there is a right and wrong way to do it.

We are going to get there, but first, I would like you to turn your Bible with me to,

1 Corinthians 7:2
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

The Bible said, we are to avoidfornication.” That is “harlotry” and “adultery.” We can avoid becoming a fornicator by having our own spouse.

I wonder why…

Well, let us keep reading.

1 Corinthians 7:3
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

In a Christian marriage, the husband and wife need to provide “due benevolence.”

What is “benevolence”?

It means, “euphemistically conjugal duty.”

Notice the word, “euphemistically”?

It means,

“Substituting a mild, indirect, or vague term for one considered harsh, blunt, or offensive.”

We are talking about sex between a husband and wife. The Scriptures simply try and keep the topic from becoming too harsh. That is all we are talking about here.

The point is, every man and woman should have their own spouse, and they should provide “conjugal duty” between each other. That is what we are talking about.

Check out this next verse.

1 Corinthians 7:4
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

We have talked about the family unit many times in the past. You notice here, they are to “render” to one another. The man has power over the woman’s body, and likewise, the woman over the man.

Now, this is not an open book here to do whatever you find on TV. It must be clean and respectful. Moreover, both the husband and wife must be in agreement.

1 Corinthians 7:5
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

“Defraud ye not one another.”

That simply means do not withhold sex from your husband or wife. Rather, have sex through consent, and then give honor and glory to our Father in our daily lives. Then after a while, do the act once again.

Notice, we are told to do this consistently. Otherwise, Satan will intervene in our marriages and cause problems.

Porn comes to mind, does it not?

Sex should bring us closer together, not pull us apart.

Satan Can Intervene In A Christian Marriage

I hope everyone noticed, if we are not consistent in our sex life, that provides Satan the opportunity to tempt us, which can lead us into “fornication.” That is a big, big, huge no-no.

How does Satan intervene in our marriage?

Satan accomplishes this through many different aspects. That does not necessarily mean Satan is literally fiddling around with your marriage. Satan is the god of this world, and he has been around for a very long time, (2 Corinthians 4:4).

That means, Satan has a lot of tools in place. That is how Satan can intervene in our marriages, so we all need to think about that logically.

Pornography In A Marriage

I feel pornography is one of Satan’s tools. Pornography has no business in a Christian marriage, there is nothing Christian or righteous about porn. It is designed to bring out the animal within us, and porn removes any sense of morality and decency in our minds.

First off, the couple on TV, they are not really a couple, and who knows how many sex partners they have had. That is “harlotry,” and God is against it. It is their business, but we do not need to be a part of it.

It also brings division between the husband and wife. One now begins to compare themselves or their spouse to what they see on TV, how it is done, and on and on it goes. That is TV my friends, they are being paid for what they are doing.

The more one watches porn, the more they will rationalize and crave what they are seeing, and want to perform those acts themselves. Some of the more raunchy acts then begin to desensitize the person watching it, which then makes it normal to them.

When one is constantly bombarded with porn, that is all that is on your mind. Remember, sex is fine, and guys naturally think about sex more than women, but constantly feeding porn into one’s mind only fuels that natural drive, but in a negative way.

Sex, The Right And Wrong Way

Please turn your Bible with me to,

Romans 1:24
Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:

So you understand the subject, I encourage you to begin reading with verse 18. The people turned away from God. Instead of worshipping Him, they worshipped His creation.

Essentially, the people embraced uncleanness and dishonor. When they turned away from God, naturally He was removed from their presence. When God removes His Shield of protection from you, Satan has full reign to influence you, either directly, or through his tools.

Notice, they were turned to “uncleanness” through “the lust of their own hearts.” They also ‘dishonored their own bodies between themselves.’

We are talking about sex here, and Scripture will make that very clear as we move forward.

Romans 1:25
Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

They changed the Truth of God into a lie when the “lust of their heart” became bigger and more important than God. When they ‘dishonored their bodies’ and served and worshipped things other than God.

We worship things when we place them before God and His values. We change God’s Truth into a lie, within our heart, when we call things that are wicked, righteous, and things that are dark, light, (Isaiah 5:20, 2 Corinthians 6:14-18).

Romans 1:26
For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

Due to what was explained in the prior verses, the people were turned over to the “lusts of the heart,” and their “vile affections.”

  • Vile,” that is “disgrace, dishonour, shame.”
  • Affections,” that is “passion, lust.”

The people brought this on themselves, as they turned away from our Heavenly Father.

One of these “vile affections” is when the woman changed “the natural use into that which is against nature.” Remember, we are talking about people dishonoring their own bodies. In case it is not clear enough, we are talking about sexual acts here.

So what exactly do you think the women did, when they “changed the natural use into that which is against nature”?

Think about it for a moment, and I believe you will understand the definition of “natural use.”

Romans 1:27
And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

There are no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. We are talking about sexual acts here. The men left “the natural use of the woman,” and instead, they had homosexual sex which God is against.

So the definition of “the natural use of the woman” is “traditional sex.” That does not mean boring. You can “spice it up” however you would like. However, from the example in Scripture, it means anal sex is a no-no, God is against it, and that is what I am trying to convey here.

Look, God created our bodies. God knows what is good for them. He created one part of the body to be an “exit only,” okay? I want to make that clear.

How about the health aspect?

For details on that, I encourage you to read this article by WebMD.

Summary

Robin, you are not the problem, and you are not alone here.

I have heard from woman’s groups, and this is a common topic for women who struggle with what you laid out.

Aside from what I have already explained, my recommendation is to ensure you have an open line of communication with your husband.

Guys are not mind readers, so really sit down, and talk with him about it. Tell him what you are dealing with. Get everything out in the open. Otherwise, this will continue to be bottled up inside, and these issues will only cause you more frustration.

I would also recommend that you share some of the Bible verses we covered with your husband. Let your husband know how God feels about certain acts, if they pertain to your situation. Above all, bring God into it.

/* *** Print tooltip */ #printfriendly .underline.web-tooltip.web-tooltip-top:after { content: ' (' attr(data-tooltip)')'; font-size: 70%; font-style: italic; color: #777; } /* *** Font body of document */ #printfriendly #pf-body, ol, ul, dl, li { font-family: Georgia, Arial, Tahoma; font-size: 14pt; } #printfriendly #pf-title { font-size: 18pt; font-family: Georgia, Arial, Tahoma; text-align: center; } /*dev*/ #printfriendly #pf-author { font-size: 9pt; font-family: Georgia, Arial, Tahoma; font-weight: bold; color: #888; text-align: center; } /* *** Style Table of Contents */ #printfriendly .elementor-toc__header, .elementor-toc__body { background-color:#f1f1f1; border-radius: 5px; padding: 15px; width: 75%; margin:auto; margin-bottom: 10px; display:none; } #printfriendly .elementor-toc__header-title { font-weight: bold; text-align: center; } #printfriendly h2 { font-size: 16pt; font-family: Georgia, Arial, Tahoma; text-align: center; } #printfriendly h3, h4, h5, h6 { font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia, Arial, Tahoma; text-align: center; } /*print link color, does not affect pdf*/ #printfriendly a, #printfriendly a:visited { color: blue; } /*remove reftagger link attributes, does not affect pdf*/ #printfriendly a.rtBibleRef, #printfriendly a.rtBibleRef a:visited { font-family: Georgia, Arial, Tahoma; color:#333; text-decoration: underline; text-decoration-color: transparent; } #printfriendly p, ul { font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia, Arial, Tahoma; } /*style blockquote font size*/ #printfriendly blockquote { font-size: 14pt; } #printfriendly img { border-radius: 3px; } /*favicon*/ #printfriendly #pf-src-url img { border-radius: 0px; } /*print in footer*/ #printfriendly #pf-print-area:after { content: 'Visit: worldeventsandthebible.com, © World Events and the Bible'; font-size: 10pt; color: #777; display: block; text-align: center; }