Name: Stephen Ferrari
Question: Brandon,
I hear many people say that the bible places women subservient to men and I agree that growing up most churches my parents attended lean that way (i.e. a woman is to obey). I can promise you my wife never got that memo and would never ask her to blindly obey.
It seems to me that Christ held women in near if not equal esteem as men but the old testament was more patriarchal in tone. This appears to be a subject of great debate in many religious circles. I would like to know which side of this controversy you believe scripture comes down on?
Answer: Thanks for the question Stephen, I think. I doubt I’ll make it out of this one alive! Now, before the claws come out, read all the way through.
The Bible plainly states, wives are to submit themselves to their husbands. I’ll discuss the Scriptures, but as with most things in the Bible, it’s conditional, so we need to be aware of that.
Now, let’s ask ourselves:
- Why is that written in the Bible?
- Why should wives submit to their husbands?
Let’s find out.
Wives Submit To Your Husbands
Ephesians 5:22
Also: 1 Peter 3:1, Titus 2:5
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
That just removed all doubt, the Bible said wives are to submit to their husbands.
However, God is not a respecter of persons, which means God does not play favorites, (Deut 10:17, Rom 2:11, 1 Pet 1:17). He doesn’t love men more than women, and vice versa, so why did Scripture state that?
Let’s keep reading.
Ephesians 5:23
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
We have been given a critical parallel that we must understand.
The man is the head of the family. The husband’s role within the family unit is equivalent to the role of Christ as the head of the church.
Ephesians 5:24
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Here we have it again, wives are to be in subjection to their husbands in “everything.” That is, everything that is not contrary to the will of God. Now, before some man thinks he can treat his wife like a slave, slow your role.
We, the church, are subject to Jesus Christ. We are to follow the examples Jesus left us as they are righteous examples. That is the same example the husband is supposed to utilize to lead his family.
Just because Scripture said, wives should submit to their husbands does not give men free reign over their wives. Jesus would never take advantage of us, and neither should we take advantage of our wives.
Remember, Jesus came to minister to us, likewise, husbands are to minister to their wives.
Let’s have the next verse.
Husbands Love Your Wives
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Do you see?
Husbands are to love their wives just as Jesus loves the church, being you and me. Jesus loved us so much, He gave His life for us. Likewise, husbands are to lay everything on the line for their wives and family.
Ephesians 5:28, 33
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
These verses really bring it home, don’t they?
Husbands are to love their wives as themselves. Husbands are to love and cherish their wives, just as Christ loves the church. This clearly tells us, women are to submit to righteous husbands who lead the family as Christ leads the church.
If you don’t follow and apply that parallel, you miss the entire point of this Biblical truth.
We have more to discuss.
Husbands Honor Your Wives
1 Peter 3:7
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
God appointed men to lead the family as they are stronger than women.
Statistically speaking, on average, women are weaker than men, but women can also be kinder and gentler than men. They perfectly complement one another. Yet, God appointed men to lead the family as they are stronger and can protect the wife.
So there is no double standard in Scripture. God laid this out for us, so men would take the leadership role in a marriage. The woman, by nature, takes a nurturing role, and where would we be without our mothers and wives?
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Let me show you something else.
1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Again, God laid out the family unit, including the church as He intended.
- God
- Christ
- Husband
- Wife
That’s what God said, and that’s how God wanted it.
However, this isn’t a slave list. This is a list of order.
Just as men are not slaves to Christ, neither are women slaves to their husbands.
- If any man uses these verses to place himself on a pedestal, he’s without understanding.
- If any man uses these verses as evidence that he can make all the decisions, he’s without understanding.
God gave authority to men as they are the stronger vessel. They are to love and protect their wife just as themselves, just as Christ did for the church. If you miss that or lose sight of it, you miss the entire point.
When a couple become married, they become one. This is why we are told husbands are to love their wives as themselves. If we treat our wives as ourselves, that means we have their best interests at heart.
I also want everyone to consider this…
Historical Context
These Scriptures were written two thousand years ago. A time when it was typical for a father to marry off their daughters. It was a different time, women could not be independent in those days. They relied on men to take care of them, and protect them.
In turn, the woman takes care of the man.
It’s been that way for thousands of years, until modern history. So always place context to Scripture. Any man who abuses God’s sacred marriage covenant, and distorts these rules to fit his own ideology, is not doing it out of love for his wife, but for himself.
As we learned,
- Men are to love their wives as themselves.
- Men are to treat their wives as themselves.
If you are not doing that, your wife has no obligation to listen to you. Real loving husbands always make their wives a part of their decisions. That’s what families do. When two become one, they both have a say in the matter, (Genesis 2:24).
The Family Unit
We have one more trip to make in Scripture, turn with me to.
Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
Men, don’t you ever forget…
The context is wives submit themselves to their husbands just as we submit to Christ.
Colossians 3:19
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
Husbands, do not deal bitterly with your wives, and do not treat them ‘treacherously’ or you have broken God’s sacred Law, (Malachi 2:15). When a man truly loves his wife, his decisions are with her best interests at heart.
Look what we have next, a breakdown of how the family should treat each other.
Colossians 3:20
Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
Let’s refine the Godly family unit.
- God
- Christ
- Husband
- Wife
- Children
Notice, children are not just subject to their father, but their mother as well. This is orderly and how God intended the family to operate.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
Just because the father is head of the house, that does not afford him to treat his wife and children poorly. Instead, the husband and father should treat his family like himself.
That’s what God told us, that’s what God wants, and that’s what we should do.